LUCKNOW, India – According to a noted communist, politician and possible medical doctor, viewing sexually explicit performances by popular adult entertainment performer Sunny Leone is associated with nausea, vertigo, violent rape and dry mouth, among other maladies.

“If you switch on the TV, there is a woman named Sunny Leone, she has been the heroine of films with the most nudity,” observed Atul Kumar Anjan, the leader of the Communist Party of India (CPI). “She has come from Australia to India and she was brought into films by Mahesh Bhatt. For five years she has been around and now she has become a heroine in films.”

Although Anjan appears to be somewhat confused about Leone’s actual pedigree and recent history, there’s no confusion as to the severe and detrimental effect of watching Leone go about her work.

“I don’t want to speak about this before my sisters; they are porn films,” Anjan said of Leone’s movies he has watched but nobody else should ever watch. “I had never watched one till [sic] now, so I watched this porn. After watching just two minutes, I kept vomiting. They are showing everything and selling everything.”

Bad enough Leone’s videos are out there, presumably sickening porn fans by the millions, but now she has crept out of the porn lane and into the mainstream consciousness, where she can do far more damage through mediums other than nauseating pornographic films.

“Now there is an advertisement with her — have you seen it? She is lying down and a man comes to her,” Anjan said, presumably choking back hefty chunks of acidic vomitus in his esophagus as he spoke. “An advertisement for condoms, it is such a dirty and horrific advertisement that develops your sexuality and destroys your sensibility.”

While he said he shares Anjan’s concern over the impact of Leone’s condom commercial, Bombay-based researcher Dr. Sivananda Ghosh said he’s dubious about the symptoms and side effects listed by his esteemed colleague.

“I have repeated the viewing experiment conducted by Anjan, and have thus far been unable to reproduce the results described during his press conference,” Ghosh said. “Among my test subjects, although we did see evidence of dry mouth, no nausea was observed or reported. The primary clinical observation we made which was of any concern to us at all was the repeated occurrence of mildly painful erections and a little bit of penile seepage.”

Of far greater concern to Anjan than the possibility of people watching Leone’s videos spontaneously spewing puke on their sandals is the inevitable and dire consequences of exposing viewers to the corruptive influence of condom commercials, televised and otherwise.

“If such advertisements for condoms appear in the country’s TV channels and newspapers, then incidents of rape will increase,” Anjan said. “It needs to be stopped.”

While Anjan’s comments were met with cheers from adoring supporters at his press conference, some prominent peers are less enthusiastic about his views. Indian political philosopher and media expert Dr. Partha Basu, for example, questioned not only Anjan’s conclusions, but his mental state.

“This man simply does not know of what is the hell of which he is talking about,” Basu said. “If condom advertisements really make men commit rape, the entire subscriber base of Maxim would be in maximum-security prison by now. And what of Cialis adverts? Do they cause people to get raped in claw-foot bathtubs? This is nothing but the purest form of shit which comes from bulls. This all starts to make me think the ‘CP’ in CPI must stand for ‘crazy persons.’”

Regardless of the ambiguity of the data, his inability to reproduce the outcomes of Ajan’s experiments and Basu’s skepticism, Dr. Ghosh said Anjan’s concerns nonetheless “merit more study,” due to the seriousness of the claims.

“Obviously anything which develops a person’s sexuality is completely unacceptable, both socially and scientifically,” Ghosh said. “The last thing an overpopulated nation like India needs is a bunch of youths running around with developed sexuality. You know what? Someone should really make a television advert encouraging these young people to use condoms, or something.”