DUNDEE, Scotland – If you’ve worked within the adult entertainment industry for any amount of time, or even just viewed enough of the content the industry produces, quite likely you’re aware of the popularity of “men in uniform” as a specialty category.

While uniforms come in a variety of types, it’s probably safe to say military and police uniforms are more popular in the porn world than are the brown threads of the UPS driver, the snazzy white and black of the Good Humor Man or the garish polyester stylings favored by many fast food establishments.

If you’re a DIY porn producer out to create your own men-in-uniform content, however, here’s an important bit of advice to keep in mind: It’s usually best to rent the uniforms rather than use your own.

This tip is especially important to remember if you happen to be a member of law enforcement, as performing in porn while an active member of a police force, border patrol or other such organization is often frowned upon, even in Scotland.

A young officer who goes by the meme-ready name Paul Danks recently learned this lesson the hard way, after allegedly filming himself performing a sex act while in uniform — and inside the Longhaugh Police Station, to boot.

“Danks left the police towards the end of last year,” an unidentified source told the Daily Record. “He wasn’t charged with any criminality and no reports went to the fiscal.”

I’m not sure what a report going to “the fiscal” entails, exactly, but it sure sounds like a lot less fun than recording myself performing a sex act while in uniform and inside a police station.

While the Daily Record’s headline suggests Danks was terminated by his employer (or “sacked” to put it in the innuendo-laden parlance of the Brits), a spokeswoman for Police Scotland said he’d quit of his own volition, albeit after disciplinary action had begun.

“We can confirm that the officer left the organization after misconduct proceedings,” the spokeswoman said.

While it was initially believed the problematic sex act took place in a police car and had been shared online, it turns out Danks kept his dalliances within the police station itself and only shared the video in the ‘traditional’ way, showing it to his fellow officers in person.

For his part, Danks thus far has chosen to avoid the subject by playing dumb.

“Well, I can tell you just now that I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, to be honest with you,” Danks said. “And I’m not prepared to speak to you.”

To be fair, I’d say the latter half of that comment is probably true.

Setting aside questions of propriety and professionalism for a moment, I think it’s a real shame Danks’ homemade porn hasn’t been shared — or better yet, sold off to a porn studio that has experience marketing this sort of material. After all, if the controversy surrounding Danks’ production is getting this much ink for a video (or maybe these are still photos?) nobody has even seen, just imagine what could be accomplished with the aid of a well-edited trailer.

Plus, given all the facts involved, just naming the video and coming up with promotional taglines would be great fun for those involved in creating and distributing the final product. Cockadile Dundee, anyone? Or maybe this could be the start of a long series marketed as Paul’s Dank Porn Stash, Vol. 1.

At any rate, whatever comes of the footage, if you’re a budding men-in-uniform porn producer, you should see the story of Paul Danks as a cautionary tale, not just about the risks of using your real work uniform in a porn context, but also the perils of mixing work with pleasure, in general.

Nothing written above should be construed as me discouraging anyone who works at Popeyes from making porn on the job. Among other things, fast food isn’t law enforcement, so you’re naturally held to a lower standard. Plus, if you get fired from Popeyes for indulging in the wrong kind of chicken-eating, there’s always Squiggy’s pizzeria.

Image © John Trif.