MELBOURNE, Australia – To be honest, I don’t know much about Australian football. Offhand, I assume it’s a lot like American football, except with an Australian accent and Carlton Draught and Victoria Bitter instead of Budweiser and Coors on tap at the stadium.

Right now, Australian football is on my mind only because Richmond Football Club, the current champion of the Australian Football League, is at the center of one of the weirder revenge porn/pro sports stories I’ve run across –- or one of the stranger ones I’ve run across this week, at least.

For starters, I’m not sure I’ve seen a revenge porn story involving two different women, neither of whom is positively identifiable from the photos in question, being the victim of two different revenge porn incidents involving the same sports team.

In this case, there’s one woman whose breasts serve as bookends around a recently-won AFL medal, the owner of which presumably is a member of the Richmond Tigers. According to one (alleged) newspaper, it is “understood the woman consented to the images being taken, but the player who took them insisted they had been deleted from his phone.”

The second photo involves a woman who reportedly uploaded a picture of herself, scantily clad, with her back to the camera. Obviously, when you upload the picture yourself, you can’t really claim to be a revenge porn victim –- except she still kinda is, albeit in an odd by-proxy fashion, because people now assume she’s also the woman in the other photo.

“They think I’m the woman with the breasts with the medallion,” the woman said of her friends and others who have seen both images.

Either way, the photo with frontal nudity is being investigated, both by police from the Yarra Crime Investigation Unit (of which LL Cool J is not a part, I’m told) and by the AFL Integrity Unit, a task force that investigates AFL teams, presumably to ensure they aren’t guilty of having integrity.

“The image was posted without consent,” the YCIU said in a statement. “As the investigation is ongoing, it would be inappropriate to comment further.”

As for the Richmond club, Chief Executive Officer Brendon Gale confirmed he’s aware of the “circumstances” of the photo(s), but concurred with the YCIU as to the appropriateness of speaking much about them.

“We’re committed to assisting police with any inquiries, should they be required, so at this stage it would be inappropriate to comment any further,” Gale said.

While commenting further on the incident would be inappropriate, evidently it is appropriate to do a little proactive PR work on behalf of your football club, even as you decline to comment further on the very reason you’re talking to the media in the first place, because Gale had more to say, directly after saying he had nothing more to say.

“What I will say is this club feels very strongly about the positive role women [play] at our club and in sport generally,” Gale said. “This club feels very strongly about creating an environment where women can thrive, and this club feels very strongly about promoting attitudes and behaviors that are respectful of and supportive of women.”

Yes, at Richmond FC, they are all about promoting attitudes and behaviors that are respectful and supportive of women –- especially women who don’t mind when their tiny yellow shorts ride all the way up their crotch as they execute a hardy cheer for the home team.

While I can’t say for sure, my guess is none of the Richmond Tigers would dare take a knee during the playing of the Australian national anthem, a tune called “Advance Australia Fair,” despite not having a single line of its lyrics dedicated to judging prize hogs.

Hmm, on second thought… Does doubling-over with involuntary nausea in response to overwrought vocals count as “kneeling”?